“Just Relax” he said as I slowly leaned back to lay on the bed. I took a deep breath and I spread my legs while all these thoughts raced through my head.
All I can think about is how my life is “supposed” to be but I’m laying on this table allowing someone to suck the life out of me… Literally. So I lay there silently looking up at these bright lights and I’m constantly reminded of… my baby
My baby whose tiny feet will never tickle this floor or whose laughter will never bring me joy… my baby.
I taking your life before you have the chance to live it and taking away my love before I have a chance to give it.
I mean, I know we’ve never met but you’ve already had such an impact that what used to be happiness is now replaced by regret. Why am I neglecting the responsibility that comes with unprotected sex.
It’s not like this was a one-night stand but it most definitely wasn’t part of my plan to get pregnant by a man whose goals in life are shorter than my attention span.
You see I was just trying to protect me from all the negativity that comes along with having a baby because I’m just not ready for a family and if I had you I would only be… another statistic.
I know this might sound selfish and I promise I’m not selfless but the abruptness of this pregnancy… meant putting my dreams on hold
Holding grudges and holding you would only become symmetrical knowing that I gave up everything I ever wanted to do so I decided to abort you.
And just about everyday I try with all my might to keep myself busy to avoid thinking about what you’d be like. Although you are not physically here you will continue to live on through my tears.
Like a paper with no thesis, I feel meaningless. It’s no fun being a puzzle with empty pieces.