As I stand in the mirror,

I think my nose is too weirdly shaped.

My eyebrows are too straight

And I hate my hair this way.

 

As I stand in the mirror,

I think my ears are too small

And my hair is too kinky.

It seems to me that I don’t listen,

I only preach.

I could sit here and write a whole speech

And not even know what I’m speaking.

 

Some days I have a hard time loving my imperfections

And some days I love being perfectly imperfect.

And other days, I place my blade on my nightstand.

Thinking to myself,

I can’t take this life anymore

I feel like I’m damned.

 

But as I slowly start to cry myself to sleep,

I realize that if I don’t love myself then nobody else will love me.

And I swear to you that scares the hell out of me.

What would I be without their love for me?

 

On days like today,

I feel the ache in my tummy

And the coldness in my fingertips

As if I want to punch the mirror,

And just break all of it.

 

I swear my depression eats me alive

I swear my depression is one thing I despise.

The coldness of my skin compliments my blade.

I swear to God I’m wishing for rain,

It’s almost everyday that tears fall down my face.

 

I fake this stupid ass smile so no one can see

What really fucked up thoughts are inside of me.

If I let them out, they’ll think I’m crazy.

If I tell them now, they’ll run away.

 

And it’s not that I care what others think.

No don’t get me wrong

It’s just that I can’t stand to be alone

Can’t stand to be myself

Although I constantly tend to isolate myself.

 

I just want a way out,

I just want them to see,

the sad, depressed part of my reflection

staring back through this fake smile of depression.

I just want them to hear my silent cries

and the longing in my voice when I’m saying goodbye.

But people always tell me they can’t know unless I speak.

But I feel as if I can only talk through my poetry.

And I feel as if my voice has no meaning,

as if my voice is too small

and to top it all off,

at the end of my speech my mic cuts off.

Then there’s nothing left but my tiny voice in a crowd too big for me to carry.

 

So now

so now I’m in danger.

My demons are coming out

and now I’m running

running for my life.

But the crowd is chasing me with guns and knives

so I close my eyes and I cry

 

and when I open my eyes

is when I truly realize

that the beauty lies with in.

I see myself for what I really am.

And although my mirror is shattered

and I’m a bit confused.

I think now,

now I know what to do.

 

My depression doesn’t control me.

The properness in my voice does not console me

For I am a girl who defines herself.

I make me with or without your help.

 

As I stand in the mirror,

I see a girl.

A girl who’s been through so much shit,

she feels like she can take the world.

 

So here I am,

and here I’ll stay.
Me and my imperfections

Me in all my beauty.

love me or leave me

but I swear

someday

you’ll see me.