A Million Things Tomorrow
I stood up and asked my mind if I was in control.
My mind said yes.
So I asked my mind how it was speaking.
It didn’t respond. Perhaps it hadn’t been talking at all.
My mind tested me.
I stood in the middle and moved my fingers, balanced myself.
I asked my mind if it was me.
My mind told me it wasn’t me it was them.
I asked if I controlled them they said no
I asked if I told them to say no they said no
I asked them if they knew anything, then what I told them to know
They said yes.
I keep secrets from them all the time
I have to, you know?
But somehow they know everything
They hold it against me, shaming me, making me feel bad
I’m a slave to them, or maybe they’re a slave to me
But it tells me what to do and I do it
They edit what I think and filter my words
So maybe, this is them.
They’ve stopped me from feeling sadness
Sent me on a search
A search for feeling
But the more I try and escape it the more it follows me
I CAN’T HIDE ANYTHING FROM THEM EVER
THEY CONTROL ME
Am I my mind or is it just a product of my thoughts?
Do my thoughts… exist?
If I don’t confine them will they pollute my dreams?
Filling my life with dark thoughts
I stand up, and I fall down
It’s not allowing me to stand
Or I’m not allowing it to allow me to stand
Is my insanity just a distraction from what I realize can’t exist?
Why did I mold the truth in to such a lie?
And how did the lies turn to such truth?