Thu, 06/05/2014 - 19:35 -- Aj_Goz




I hear about it every day
Song after song they say
It will be okay 
Be who you are and don’t care 
If all the haters stare

But do they say what to do, when the world is coming after you
And you’re basically alone in personal war zone
What if I’m my own enemy? 
The destructor of my dreams
And I can see all that I’m doing
But can’t find a reason for living
I find my solace in you oh God and you have given me strength
But I know I can’t stop running away until I finally face myself 
I’m defensive, abrasive and sweet at the same time
I’m not a fake but I have mood swings and will always speak my mind
I don’t care if you hate me but I care if I hate you
Cause I’m conscious if not focused on WWJD (what would Jesus do)
I’m stilling trying to be a model Christian but I’m more of a hypocrite
I know how to forgive others but I can’t forgive myself
I believe in redemption but I feel like I’m always the exception
I’ve cried myself to sleep so many times
Because apart from you Jesus I have no one else to talk to
Sometimes I wonder why we waste our time, living in a world full of lies
We hate the oppressor but we are them in our own way
We speak of justice but we are the ones taking it away
We blame others even when we all make mistakes
When we do wrong we wish God will come another day
I’ve fought battles only God knows about, at my age it could have been too much to take
I never understood or knew He had a plan and that He holds me in the palm of his hand
Turns my sorrows to success and turned a curse into the one to bless
I honestly don’t understand why God put me in this family
For a majority of my years, thought it was an act of cruelty,
Until I learned He makes everything work together for the good of those who love Him,
This kept me content...for a while.
Now I’m back again with questions of things I do not understand
How can I see my own imperfections and not know how to be better
How can those who bully me be the same ones to write me love letters?
How can I also abuse myself and pretend everything is okay
Smile like I’m ready to fly when deep inside I want to die
In my depression comes beautiful expression that only I may understand
My free verse is a deep purse holding the memories I’ve had
It is not meant to rhyme, to explain good times and dreams I wish never to pass by
It explains my confusion without resolution the conflict of self evolution...
I don’t even understand what I’m saying
I intended to write a song but if I did it would be too long and I might not get to say exactly how I feel
All that I know is... Love is real
Lord I have never loved anyone in this world but I am sure I love you
I know it may seem unbelievable but I know you love me too
Even after I’ve cursed you, hated you and doubted You were real
You’ve loved me, saved me and my wounds you have healed,
What manner of man is this?
Who can heal the broken-hearted, redeem the humanely condemned and protect those who hurt others
Not because we deserve it, have earned it or have even saved a soul
But only because He is the Light and forever He shall glow
Now, even when I cry I know all hope is not lost, when I am down I still believe He is in control
I mean, who else could it be
I used to be suicidal because I thought nobody cared, even I didn’t but there was always someone who did
And at the age of five He told me I had a reason to live
So although obstacles will come, I still remember I have a purpose
It is to work hard for the Holy Ghost
I write these things with tears in my eyes but I KNOW that with Him I have no other option but to survive 
I will succeed and will always believe that He is the one for me
The world may try to pull me and maybe I might stumble and fall but there is one thing I do know...
I may speak like I have no faults but I am aware of my flaws
I just ask that no one tries to understand me without asking me because the treasures of my heart you will never know
I also know I should not try to understand God with a human mind because it defeats the purpose of faith.
Lord I would just like to say I am sorry for all the heartache, pain and disgrace
My actions made you turn away your face
But I confess my undying love for you this day, again, and for the rest of my days
There is no other God 
And although at the moment I don’t love anyone I know for sure that I love you, and I prophecy into my own life that I will never love another even close to how much I love You.
You are the same, yesterday, today and forever
And I have the conviction that with you my life can only get better.
There is so much more I want to say 
But I will leave that for another day
If not I would have to write my life story 
But I will leave that for the one who would write my biography


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