Mental Illness

Mental Illness

 

Undiagnosed and I’m not sure what you are

But you never stray far.

He never strays far.

You follow me around, you hide behind walls.

You hide in the stalls.

You hide under my bed.

You hide in my head.

He lives in my head.

 

He hates when I’m happy.

He loves when I’m sad.

He knows when to strike

To destroy my mood

He’s a part of my life

No matter what I do.

 

Eyes black as the ocean at night

Filled with the delight of fright.

Always dressed in a black suit

And you exceed my height.

Feeding off my negative vibes.

You think you’re so mighty

But in all actuality

You’re nothing other than a narcissist.

Nothing but an illness.

 

No one likes you;

You bring them down,

Yet you think you wear the crown.

 

I couldn’t be better

I’m happier than ever

I’ve never been more zealous

Somehow this makes you jealous

Because like an archer aims at his bull’s-eye

You aim at my mind.

Raising your arrow from behind.

Inhale. Exhale. Release. I’m hit.

So much for having a good day;

I’m so tired

Everyone irks me with every word they say.

I can’t stand to be around anyone.

I just want to scream.

I just want to sleep.

Now I’m starting to believe

What you whispering to me

I’m nothing special, nothing great.

You’re filling me with resentment

He’s filling me with hate.

Just leave me alone!

I can’t take anymore!

I’m in so much pain

And I don’t feel sane.

 

But no I’m not that bad, others have it worse.

I should suck it up, I’m not special.

Here you come again, second wave now

And you’re worse than ever so maybe I do need help.

Time to swallow my pride.

Time to take what the doctor prescribed.

 

Undiagnosed and I’m not sure what you are

But you never stray far.

He never strays far.

You follow me around, you hide behind walls.

You hide in the stalls.

You hide under my bed.

You hide in my head.

He lives in my head.

 

You think you’re so mighty

But in all actuality

You’re nothing other than a narcissist.

Nothing but an illness.

 

Amber Fernandez

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