That night that girl wandered the streets looking for the trace of salvation you promised to bring her.

Morning rays breached the sky’s restraint and she found solace in the early dawn of a new day;

And fueled by memories of desperate vengeance,

She sought the one that silenced her insides and left her physically fighting.

Fighting for belonging,

Fighting for innocence,

Fighting for the knowledge females carry in their heads,

while the men supposedly carry the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Well mama rock me at your chest and warm reveries into my conscience

Massage in life, use the strength at your shoulders; give me what’s on your head.

Give me the gen of the family or wisdom about Mother Nature.

Give me a gift.

Give me supportive presence.

 

Because right now after all you have done

I can only count sin on four limbs,

That each reached out for you in a special way.

So do what you should mom!

Drop your selfish tendencies.

Define the display of affection.

Dress down disrespect;

Do right by me not for my sake but yours.

Find repentance for a fumble in your new gestures ten years later;

For you will not find forgiveness here with me.

Through those ten years of soul searching, I’ve learned––

God does not close the Heavenly Gates on people

Like how I shun relationships with the seal over my broken heart.

 

My heart. Beat. It’s failing. Life slipping, decreasing.

It was stabbed after you chose someone else over me.

It choked when you weren’t there even though you were right beside me.

It wept blood and tears until it rested from weariness.

It stiffened in fear and confusion of living in a dark place with no direction.

It scarred after falling hard multiple times to the playground, after you had forsaken me.

 

All those broken promises

have encouraged me to be a better mother.

Arms outstretched I’m reaching for you,

in that photo album visiting the better memory of a fragile time

I wanted to do something on my own, I wanted to take off

Mom––

Remember

That as you grow life comes full circle.

Take that piece of advice in your palms that “work tirelessly”

Ones that were absent,

Missing opportunities to hold mine until fingerprints resembled identity.

I’m probably becoming more like you but as I try not to, in my life journey,

Don’t cop out the easy route.

Take the long way to love me.

Come play the nurse you are,

Before another opportunity passes.

Don’t fail your performance as mom again.

Moon to sun I dream of better days.

 

That night I wandered the streets looking for the trace of salvation you promised to bring.

Morning rays breached the sky’s restraint and I found solace in the early dawn of a new day.

Hoping that you wouldn’t fail again.