My memories started early one morning on a summer day.
My lack of care and boredom lead me to look out upon the world through my window.
As I sat there early that morning I do not remember watching the sunrise.

No, I remember watching the rain one summer day,
Soothing, calming, pattering on my window.
The rain has always been a fascination of mine.
So brilliant, so magnificent, so life giving.
Lo and behold the glory that is the rain.

The rain always made me feel good.
The cool water running down my face and arms
Soothing, like your voice and heart beat.
So much i did feel your warming love that rain would remind of you.
Though it was cold, the rain, i felt warm.
The thought of you with your arms around me as i saw myself standing in the rain,
Watching,
Watching myself consumed by your love and care.
I felt warm.
I let you know today i did watch the rain,
But the rain alone is not what i saw.
I saw the sweet rain for hours that day,
And then my memory changed when I did see,
It.

Flash.

A burst of light as bright as the sun had been before cloud cover came.
So brilliant were the streaks of light across the sky.
So powerful the roaring rumble of the repairing air.
I remember sitting there when I was young gazing upon the outside,
Terrified,
Terrified of the violent sounds and blinding bolts of lightening across the night sky.
Today I witnessed something more from this wondrous sight.
Such power and fury built up into each arc.
Enough power to destroy a world that we know.
Natures wrath is immense, yes,
But not respected.
Oh how many souls know the endless bounds of our mothers rage,
So deadly as to harbor the most lethal of payloads in that single bolt.

Out my window I saw more than just lightening,
I saw a change in my memory.
The vision I once had of the rain suddenly tainted,
Ruined,
Ruined like what once was.
I remembered you when the rain came along,
With that bolt though I saw something I had long feared.
In that moment as the bolt came down I saw the bond between us split like the sky.
A single dose of perpetual death dealt to us.
Then the crash as the sky collapsed in on itself and us.
Separating,
Separating us further from what I desired most.
That one bolt ravaged my garden.
One bolt with so much force in it as to destroy my life's work,
My garden,
Gone.
All that I would lay eyes on left was not you there with me no but my roses lifeless, daisies burned,
Everything either dead or dying.

I remember watching out my window as everything fell in on us.
You shoving me away as that bolt did come between us,
My heartbreaking with its contact,
You gone when I woke,
I remember seeing only but a wilted rose and burning daisy to remember you by.

Everything I once new well now gone,
How could I go on in the shadowed veil that you left me in?

I am nothing.

I am nothing unless I have my garden, or something or,

Or someone.

Someone to call my own and to make things right,
The rain that used to lay over me and sooth me.
Someone.
The light guiding me through a dark tunnel to nowhere.
Someone to make my life meaningful.
Someone to give everything to and for.
The love of my life,
That girl was and is you.

I know this now more than ever,
But that doesn't matter anymore.
One must choose to move on, to live,
To be reborn.
But choice alone isn't enough,
There must be more,
I simply can't understand, or find what.
The grey clouds and thunderous sounds of rain and lightening have left me hopeless,
Confused, asking for answer.

So did one day I choose to be reborn in the light of the new sun.
A warming feeling of the sun rays peaking through the clouds and onto my window,
Upon my face the rays did gather.
My eyes remained fixated on that mythical sight,
Dazzled.
What event would bring me this warmth other than the sun?
Cold was thunder storm that left me broken in my hopes,
But warm is the sun that did force its way through.
Oh, how I hope that one day all will feel the greatest strength known to mankind,
The Sun.
Such I small peaking ray through the dark grey clouds but so warm.

I saw in that one glistening ray of light that there was hope still in the world.
A garden could possibly be rebuilt, refurbished, renewed,
Perhaps I have been stuck in my old ways and know not of what lies out there,
Beyond the clouds and the walls that I built so long ago.
Maybe there is hope yet,
So long as there is a single ray of light,
My eyes shall remain set on the gilded light that shines through my window.

Thus ended my memories.
Perhaps there will always be a chance for me to rebuild myself.
One day I aspire to be better,
That day remains out of my reach.
I now have hope though,
Looking back on this memory of one summer day I know,
I know that days go on and seasons change,
And now so will I.