2003

Gazing out the back window at Mema’s always ended too abruptly

Corrupt

They took our land again

And I never knew what that meant to her

Her home

All she knew was her home

And her kids

And struggle

And colors

Cabrini

Wasn’t always as green

But red

So lets make it white

Like the walls in her new apartment

She can’t even paint

But if she could

Mema wouldn’t be able to color her kitchen back yellow

The stains of grease splattered on walls from sunday dinners

Or her living room back burgundy

To trap in the only light that shined in the ghetto

The son

Or her sons room back blue like the sky

So he would always have a reason to look up

Or her room back pink

Because pink was her favorite color

And coloreds

Were too close to state street

Where there is white

Mema hates white

So her home was her coloring book

The only place it was safe to be colored

They took that

Her home

They took that

Her peace

They took that

Her sanity

And left her

With walls that are white

And windows

That only casts shadows on submission

And no

I dont think its alzheimers

And even if it is

Its not because her hippocampus where our memories are stored is deteriorating

Its because bulldozers got to the greens before her death did

The whites gentrified her memories

She wanted to die in colors

The yellows

burgundys

blues

pinks

The greens

Mema wanted to die in the greens

But they faded to white

Like the walls in her new apartment

And when she tells me she sees black shadows on the walls in her hallway

Or that she can’t remember where she placed her purple lipstick that always sits on the bathroom counter

I don’t question her

My grandmother is not crazy

She is colored

They hate those

And gazing out the back window at Mema’s

Ended too corruptly

Abrupt.