I am intaking these little capsules of madness, meant to make me feel better, only doing the complete opposite.

It seems my world has turned upside down and all I can do is swallow a solid piece of artificial joy and sit back to watch my life continue to crumble around me.

Why must my mind be a jumbled mess.

A difficult jigsaw puzzle.

I don't even understand my own brain, how can someone else?

My body feels empty, like I don't have the ability to feel emotion.

What happened to the fake happiness flowing through my body?

Where did it go?

It is a constant hide and seek game in which I never win.

Like asking an unreliable person for a favor:

     I swallow the pill, asking to bring me any happiness.

     Waiting for it to come, it never does.

An imaginary stab in the back.

Continuing to suck the last few drops of my joy, leaving my emotions empty, crying to be refilled.

Only if I had the power to do so, I would.

     Until then, I am powerless.

[mandie•marie]