This is me.

 

I was born with ears to hear

And eyes to see

Christian home and family

Sheltered in my world

From the birds and the bees

Doing church and hearing the word

Christian school

Like the parents preferred

And at the age of five

The notion of hell painted darkness in my adolescence

I cried in my confessions

Fearing separation

So my parents walked me through a proclamation

Words uttered in fear and despair

Hell was a bargain

But I never thought that could be it

Could saying some words rescue me from the pit?

No, I had to fix the balance

I had to be sure my deeds would secure

A seat in that place

Of heavenly grace

I pleaded, “God come into my heart this time

Because yesterday and the day before didn’t work.”

So I tried to work

And read those scriptures with highlighter in hand

Trying to obey my law’s demands

Trying to be good to please mommy and daddy

But in the basement of my heart saying sorry

And I knew all the right words

And did all the right things

Kind of like the Pharisees

We share in the commonality of not being able to see

So morality was wrapped around me like a scarf in the cold

I knew when to act and when to be bold.

And nobody saw my lies, as I grew old

Or so I thought.

Religion has a funny way of offering security as if it can initiate grace

Spitting in Christ’s face

When He bled on the cross

Taking your place

So I made a habit of spitting

And as Noah awaited the rain and did what was fitting

So I waited for God’s judgment every time I was sinning

Except I had no ark

Because I trusted in self and had sins in the dark and I loved them

And unlike God,

I took them from the shelf

Sixth grade, girls and pride filled my eyes

Seeking for love in places

In shallow websites and empty faces

Conforming to what mom and dad said no to

But what all my friends seemed to say go to

I was my god

Still feeling conviction and knowing I’m sick

But my rebellion was like a kick

Of hormones and youthfulness

I lived to give and get a kiss

And to everyone else, I was a poster child Christian kid

Goes to show what we look for to approve each other

The outside.

Cause the inside was dead

From my heart to my head

At school or in bed

Dead

A simple truth in Romans 12:2

At the end of eighth grade,

A command to renew

I listened and the ball started rolling

I saw all that Satan had been trolling

And giving

The lust and pride and selfishness

I had become an idol maker

For the sake of my sinfulness

And I needed a solution that would suffice

A lamb, a mediator, a perfect Sacrifice

For the weight of my sin

I needed to be fully cleansed within to find newness of life

For I bore the burden

Of deadly strife

At that point, I saw what I had become

I thought I was saved, but that wasn’t the case
Eventually I lifted my head after the shame

It made sense at last, I am saved by grace.

And it was no longer anxiety or guilt that caused me to serve the Lord

I had a genuine thirst to be equipped with the sword

So I looked back and saw I was now alive.

The old me had died

And by His strength I thrived

With a new nature, His spirit

His name, I feared it

And I was made new like Gentile and Jew

By faith through grace until I die

Never to fear hell again

Never to weep

Never to cry

In fear of death

Because death soon died

After He breathed His last breath

This is the story of a redeemed sinner

And concerning righteousness, I am less than a beginner

On my own

But I am a winner

Because my entrance into heaven is not based on my merit

But on Christ’s alone

Now in the present day,

I love to say

“By the grace of my King

And all the goodness He brings

My soul will cry out

And my soul shall sing

HALLELUJAH, HE SAVES, THE HOLY ONE

THE ANCIENT OF DAY

MY BREATH TILL DEATH

WILL BE JOYED TO KNOW

AND LOVE THE ONE WHO DESERVES MY PRAISE

ALWAYS.