May Third Twenty-Nineteen

Said you were walking to the store

Take the long winding road down

Step over a dead bird

Symbolism for you life

You don’t take a second thought

Your happy or so you hope

It’s what you tell yourself 

You made it 

You pay for your drinks and snacks

Your walking ...again 

But this time you feel a sense of anxiousness it’s not like it’s already there

You continue walking

Cars honking you singing out loud to calm your nerves 

You’re so close to your house but you don’t want to go home 

You crave adventure

You make a right 

You’ve never seen this street before

You keep walking

You see new faces and nice places

Wishing your mother choose those houses instead

It looks nicer

It looks like “home”

You walk and walk

You don’t want to be home because that’s where you’re trapped in your thoughts

You keep walking and walking

Now you’re lost 

You were lost in your thoughts

You assume you know where you’re going but you know you don’t 

You turn around a dead end everywhere

Like your life dead ends 

No new paved roads

It’s frustrating 

You walk around in a neighborhood of circles 

It’s your life 

A circle

A cycle 

You continue walking you see a pretty face he sees you

You see him 

You keep walking 

He doesn’t stop you 

You’re disappointed 

Disappointment

You know that word so much but you say instead

“I wish...”

Knowing you’re disappointed 

But you don’t want to admit disappointment 

It’s too emotional

You’re walking 

A text from your older sister 

You lie to her saying you’ve been crying when really you wanted to think

You could’ve told her that

But you say you were crying

Lied so easily for no reason

Now you’re walking by a busy street

Commitment by Monica plays

You think about your relationships knowing what you crave

You know you have love in you and your friends but you’re still healing 

So it’s imperative you don’t get into a relationship rn

But oh you want one 

You start to think about the partners you had

While listening to Butterflies by Queen Naija

You keep envisioning HIM

Your recent lover

You miss him

Want to hold him

But he’s only there in your imagination 

You had an “appointment” today 

Disappointed by him and your old lovers because you got attached already

Upset at yourself because you have a lot of expectations 

No one is meeting

Disappointed wanting more

You want

But you don’t really know what you want

Or you’re just fighting it

You’re still walking now hoping to rush home your body is physically crying

Feet throbbing

Heart aching

You hope a male any male looks at you 

But they pay you no mind 

You’re disappointed again

You step over the bird again

Is your life really over or do you want the old you to die so you may move on

The bird is a symbol for something in your life and although at first you felt sad for the bird

It now has new meaning

Something not melancholy 

But universal

A friend asks to FaceTime but you want to write out your thoughts 

Or they will flow like the wind

Throughout this walk you looked up to the sky

Wishing you were somewhere else

Somewhere distance

Questioning God

Where is he?

She?

The lover you crave so much that’s similar to me

Where are they?

You wonder 

You wonder

Somber 

The feeling of not knowing 

Not knowing what’s next

You pass the thought back and forth

But it’s shortcoming

You know you won’t get an answer right away

So you fieen okay

You’re going to be okay

You still crave more but it’s okay to crave and not seek knowing you’re not ready now You’re home you almost walk by so caught up in your thoughts 

Oh so consuming

Wanting to keep going 

But

You sit down your body still feels in motion because no matter how you feel , how you wish everything would stop, life is still in motion

It doesn’t stop for you

For me 

No one 

So what does it mean

What does it all mean

All these signs but you don’t understand them now

You don’t want to take forever to learn a lesson that’s right in front of you

But sometimes our eyes are blind

And even though we have a knowing mind

Our hearts know the signs

But we rather mind the mind

Then converse with the heart

May the 3rd twenty nineteen

This poem is about: 
Me

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