Made to be Willing

Sat, 01/10/2015 - 01:07 -- sunbare


I am Seven and I am at the
Class lunch table with my crush
He never explained to me what sex
Was but he talked about it an
Awful lot and before he asked me
If I would have sex with him which I
Eagerly replied the pleasing answer
"Of course!"
During recess we clean the lunch room 
For tickets and when I am putting away
A mop in the janitors closet when he
Grabs me arms and pulls me in
Very hard for a very
Unpleasant touch of the lips
He is very glad
I don't know how to feel


I am Twelve and I am sitting
In the living room with my father while
Texting my boyfriend when I am asked
For "dirty pics plz"
I tell him I am not comfortable with it
He hits me with the cliche words that
Your parents, your teachers warn you of
"If you loved me you would"
A few days pass and he texts me
"I'm sorry"
He tells me that he got dirty pictures from
A girl he met playing Runescape
He tells me he wouldn't have done it if
I had loved him enough to send
Some of my own
But I can't help but to think
"If she can send pictures without love,
Why can't I love without pictures?"
My question was never answered


I am Twelve and it is barely a
Week before I turn Thirteen
My new boyfriend and I
Have been dating for four months
We are at the park that is in the middle
Of my middle school and his
He is the third boy in my twelve years
That has made me feel of use by
Sexual action
I am on my knees in front of him when he
Suddenly I am on back and I am looking
At his very, very pleading eyes and
I tell him,
"I'm not sure"
And he tells me
"It'll be okay"
I think to myself "This will make him happy"
And he is not slow nor gentle
But at least I am worth something


I am Thirteen and I am all
Alone at my new school
For a week I eat lunch alone
When a boy sits next to me and asks
Whats in my Oshawatt backpack
He makes a joke about how I
Probably have tampons and in his
Wallet he probably has condoms
He asks for my number
Two weeks later he asks when we'll have sex
I am hesitant to experience sex again and
Tell him two months
Day by day he asks if "We can do it today"
One day we are in the lake and
It just happened.

I am Fourteen and I have realized
That I like girls a lot more than I like boys
I date many girls online but quickly
Break up with them when a boy
Presents himself because they
Are easier to make love you
All you had to do was talk
To them about sex

I am Fifteen and I realize
I was unwilling.
I was unwilling.
I was unwilling but I was broken
I was broken but I was unwilling and somehow
It happened again.
I was willing.


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