Lord

 

Hey LORD!

That’s you upstairs!

you know I prayed today,

I think,

I think it was; 

or was it yesterday, 

then again,

it could have been let me think, 

another time of not that long ago!

But I know; 

I’ve been doing a lot of praying lately,

on last Monday I gave it a go

for two minutes or so,

Tuesday had to pass, 

got out of bed too late

and nearly missed my bus,

got to Wednesday night home group alright,

and muttered under my breath, 

one or two to you,

another for the Pastor; 

church is giving him a rough time, 

for being a silly twit, 

for falling off a ladder

when painting the church belfry, 

and landing in a ditch; 

and breaking his bleeding hip, 

TWICE!

 

Thursday!

Well there LORD UPSTAIRS, 

that was a real turn around

if ever there was one,

the Better Half

got into the caper and said

“Why don’t we pray together?

Giving thanks for what’s been provided on our table.”

No thanks!

Just didn’t make much sense, 

praying in time

and being as one with the missus.

Friday you must know LORD

I was a dismal failure, 

The lure of dart nights, 

overpowering is the drawing power, 

of having a beer with you mates, 

whilst hurling a dart.

 

LORD,

Saturday morning

sorta made amends of sorts,

I prayed! 

I must admit really quick!

“Our Father

Who resides upstairs?”

Was said at double speed, 

for after all LORD,

you must in your wisdom know

Hey! Hey! It’s Saturday, 

And with the footy’s on the telly

furthermore the mighty Bombers were playing, 

those feeble-minded Pussy Cats from Kadina Park, 

and it was a great game LORD?

Hope ya didn’t miss it?

‘Cause my Bombers

got up in the dying seconds, 

And it must have been my prayers, 

Said at halftime

When those Pussycats

Had a ten-goal lead.

​

LORD,

I ask this question

where are all my answers? 

‘Cause of all my prayers?

I know for certain

you’ve promised me; 

in that book of yours

it tells me quite a tale, 

for 1 John 3:22

reads in black and white

“and receive from him

anything we ask.”

Well LORD me mate,

you’ve said it yourself

now when do I receive? 

any answer to my prayers.

 

 

 

LORD,

Olde buddy mate,

the donk of me Olde Commodore, 

is playing up like hell

dripping oil all over the bloody place.

No new car LORD,

is parked

in the driveway outside the house,

a Ford won’t be an option,

a Hyundai is not a definite plan, 

but a brand-new Toyota

would certainly do the trick.

​

LORD,

It is cause of what I thought, 

when I passed this bloke; 

and his missus

carrying a kid on her back, 

on that bloody hot day in November,

when trudging up the highway

looking for a lift., 

Scruffy lot oh LORD!

Tatts and guess what,

even had a ring through his nose, 

kid had snot

plastered all over its face,

and that shiela too

had holes in her sandals.

Gave them the finger, 

never can trust

people who look like that though....

 

LORD,

Laryngitis I asked of you, 

to give the ‘cheese and kisses’

just a little dose; 

for she is giving me hell, 

never stops to close her yap,

nag bloody well nag! 

is all I bloody well hear,

she nags like a broken-down record,

just ‘cause I spilt

a perfectly good beer, 

on her brand-new carpet,

when watching the mighty bombers.

That spillage LORD

really upset the applecart,

then her bloody highness; 

had the bloody hide

to go a chuck a real mental...

​

LORD,

Still getting lousy wages!

My boss

wouldn’t know if his bum

was pointed towards the sky,

ya know he only has the intelligence, 

of an Afghan camel driver, 

stuck out in the middle

of the Gobi Desert,

 

and while this miserable bastard, 

is only paying me a pittance, 

and can’t afford to tithe

or offer anymore, 

for the Pastor to be paid.

​

​LORD,

Cobber,

are you worried

about my offerings as of late,

gawd love a duck mate

last Sundie past

was going to give a tenner,

usually I give five,

however had to keep back fifty, 

to buy a slab of beer,

for the barbie

straight after bloody church, 

when Blue, Ron the Pom

and good old Curl, 

all great mates ya know,

coming round to chuck a snag

and a prawn or two,

on the hot tin plate.

Gotta have a beer, 

or two or three or whatever,

in having Christian hospitality

after all ya know its Sundie.

​

LORD,

the bloody cat got crook,

​my numbers in Gold Lotto

well they’re a real joke,

lawn mower’s cracked a cylinder head,

my bloody cockie escaped,

and that little bastard from next door

wot a bloody cheeky so and so,

didn’t I give him a gob full,

after the little mongrel

belted a cricket pill onto our bloody roof,

cracking a tile or two; 

and now when it rains

it bloody well leaks, 

all over the dining room table...

 

So LORD!

That 1 John 3:22

has a lot to say,

and mate I’ll repeat! 

that’s of course

if your listening; 

to this little black duck,

as one of your powerful prayer warriors

“and receive from him

ANYTHING THAT WE ASK.”

​

​You know I prayed today,

I think….

I think it was

Or was it yesterday? 

Then again,

It could have been let me think, 

Another time of not that long ago.....

 

 

Written in 1998

 

For those who might think that I am being irresponsible,

irreverent with my words towards my GOD, let me reassure

you if get down on your knees as much as I have in the past.

Then brother or sister don’t judge me by your standards

of the way that you pray or don’t pray and remember

this and remember this well,

I do believe my GOD has a great sense of humour......

 

 

 

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