id like to ask you some questions

because lately

 

my mind is filled to the brim with confusion ridden sleet

that wont stop pounding on what seems to be the little sanity i have left

 

it seems as though a low pressure system has settled in my head

and soon enough, a rainstorm will erupt from my ears

finally allowing me to leave behind all of the secrets i have held close to my chest this past year

leaving everyone around me, understanding why there are days that my words fly out in a whirlwind of hysteria and spit

but thats why i wrote you

i have questions

 

do you remember what it felt like

to be loved by her, to know that your words would impact her every decision

did you always know you would ache for someone like this

 

did you just stumble upon her online

i imagine your eyes scanning the pictures on whisper

when one that may be all too suggestive pops into your feed

begging you to take a peek

 

you found her like the way my parents unearthed evidence that could put you behind bars

a court case floating amid a tornado of sweat and sacrifice

 

did you know that she called me once

when i was 100 miles away

in a town where cows outnumbered people

she told me of how her bones still rumbled the way a foundation shook

when a tornado had rocked it only minutes earlier

this was a time when i could do absolutely nothing to help her in that moment

 

did you honestly think that you were the first

because i can guarantee you that you weren’t

the first to receive provocative pictures

to be given control over her entire being

and turn her into a girl who now wakes up 2 hours early

and cakes makeup on every morning

paying careful attention to make her eyelashes curve just like the way her hips are developing

truly believing her worth comes from men who don't give a damn about how she is really doing

do you know how much it hurt my mom to open her kik messages and find a haunted ghost of a man among a graveyard of old chats

do you have any idea what it feels like to watch your father break down,

his body racked with sobs because the thought of her screwing someone his own age made his stomach queasy

 

tell me, do your children know that you took advantage of my sister

 

i want you to know that you have given me so much guilt for all of the days that i kept quiet

but these are hard questions

and i know that

questions i know you don't have the guts to answer

so i guess i'll finish with a simple one

are you sorry?