Letter to Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
The last time I remember seeing you happy,
was when I was too young.
One hand a shopping cart,
the other hand reaching towards us,
welcoming our arrival.
But years later when you were too sick,
you sight was replaced
with the sight of tubes and moaning.
I was too young,
and it disturbed me.
Your voice, warm and coarse,
that laughed when I tried
to speak to you in butchered Taiwanese
lost to failing vocal chords.
I wish you could speak to me
tell me stories
and laugh again when I make jokes.
But I would never again hear your voice.
It was too late
life doesn't give us extra time.
A plane takes me over the sea to you
we finally meet again
face to face
I didn't know what to say to you
you seemed a little teary
but couldn't say a word
I dumbly smile
and said we were there to see her
Spent weeks there
every day I watched
your caretaker take food and waste
for you
your hand often reaches
to the tubes on your nose
you look so painful
but we stop you from unplugging yourself
we slept at our cousins
partially because we felt Grandfather's home was old
but it still felt guilty.
When I heard you left the world
Mom was standing in front of us
drying tears
I was dry
it felt guilty.
I wondered if we were not close enough
I wondered if I was horrible
I wondered if I to some degree
felt relief
that you were no longer
tortured by sickness
unable to move nor speak.
I do not know.
I do wish you are in paradise.
Sincerely, Granddaughter