Let’s just take a minute and hold on tight to that fragile thing that is your psyche.

You can’t breathe.

I know it and now so do you.

Can you feel it?

The electricity bleeding into your bones.

You’re jumpy and anxious and you can’t sit still.

There’s a voice in your head that isn’t you

- but maybe it is, you don’t know, not for sure.

It’s like you’re on a thin ledge and in front of you is a deep dark pit and behind you is the wildfire of your life.

Do you go forward to escape the fire that continuously burns your skin or do you run through and endure that fire even though it may destroy you even more than you already are?

You’re ruined and alone.

Broken down.

Beat UP.

Depressed...

( Suicidal )

and Rash.

You want to cry and scream “GOD PLEASE SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!” but no---

you just stay in your seat and sit as still as you possibly can then once you are alone break down and

tear off the mask

that you have sewn into and onto your face.

Rip it off even as it hurts and you bleed

because when has a little blood bothered you?

‘You deserve it’ you think.

The smile that you have molded out of your marble skin falls onto the floor and it cracks, shatters, breaks.

Still no tears come.

you breathe.

Because you are still ALIVE.

Even when it feels like you aren’t or you wish that instead of burning in this fire you had fallen over the dark edge.

Whenever someone knocks  on your locked door

--- and thank god you locked it--

you freeze and that voice-

the one that now you’re sure is yours-

whispers in your head

‘they must not know’

and then out loud you say

‘ hang on’ or ‘yes?”

or

‘give me a minute/second’

and then you pick up you smile and glue it back together on your face and then put back on your mask and wipe away the blood and the unshed tears because you CAN’T let them know, but what if you’re too broken to hide anymore....

or you’re too tired to?

 

What then??????