Learning how to be okay

I once was an innocent girl, with love so true with a heart so pure

Til your hands touched me and i lost it all, my love gone, my heart cold

I built wall after wall, trying to replace the innocence that you stole, trying to rid myself of your touch of your hold

My peace was destroyed as was my sense of self,

My body no longer felt like my own, constantly feeling your touch, your hold, your fingers still roam

Shower after shower i thought would wash away, the feeling i felt that day

Though nothing would wash away the trauma that you gave, the way i never felt okay, 

But i kept quiet, six months i struggled with the pain of having everything ripped away 

My thoughts were no longer the same, all i could think was that day,

I thought, was it my fault, am i ever gonna be okay, is it because i dress this way, is the way i talk, the way i walk, is it because of what i say

But the truth is i will never be okay, and i am okay with that, without your touch i wouldnt know the pain that was to come my way, i wouldnt know the struggles i would have to face, and for that i am okay

I am okay with the way pain feels, the way my heart loves and how it heals,

I am okay with my emotions, with my hurt , my sorrow, my anger, and the feeling that i dont deserve a tomorrow.

With or without your touch i still would feel this pain one day, but you sped up te process and in turn helped me learn how to be okay.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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