I sit here 26 hours

With hot water pounding against my back

After you said you were

Done.

I’m scraping a year and a half

away

Remembering every moment of our time together

 

One layer  

for the first time your hand touched mine

and the jolt of electricity that shook my emaciated body

I remember looking into your eyes and seeing curiosity, love,  wonder

Later I would learn each of their looks and so many more  

 

The next layer is

the first time you kissed me

Not even the cold February wind could shake us

And how my best friend was too awkward to tell us to stop

went looking for butterflies

 

The layers start peeling away faster now

 

I can feel the first time your hand wove into my rib cage

How each finger moved across my white bruised skin

the way you whispered “you're beautiful”

as I tried to recoil into my body

Your

breath dancing across my check

Turning me red

 

A few layers more and  

we are sitting in my car at our spot

Talking about our future

Together

As your hand thoughtlessly wanders  across my knee

you talk about a big house and kids

start to sing along to the radio

You laugh and kiss me

 

I start to peel away faster and faster

and then I

STOP

 

I come to a layer that’s still bleeding  

 

this layer Relives

the lies and betrayals

The Fake I Love you’s

and second guesses

Unkept promises

The moment leading up to the end

 

I sit here 26 and a half hours later

The water now cold against my back

Reliving the memories you gave me.