Knew

I knew one day i would have to face this fact.

I knew that he wouldn't stay forever.

I knew he loved me.

I know he watches over me.

But...

Everyday gets a little harder.

I need him now.

I needed him then.

He guided me like i guided him.

He was my best friend.

You can not break that bond no matter how hard you try.

He got sick.

He got better.

He then got worse.

Cancer. 

It sucks the life right out of your body.

No appetite.

No energy.

No medicine stops the pain.

So many surgeries.

So many nights alone.

So many tears.

So many when's and what if's.

That one what if that no one wants turned it to a when.

That day was hard.

I spiraled out of control.

I let the drugs be the leader.

I let the smoke tell me i wasn't in pain.

I let my life go.

I let go.

I lost my everything.

My best friend.

My mentor.

My guardian.

My grandfather.

My everything.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone.

All gone.

Every day gets harder.

Yet every day is a little easier because hes not in pain.

He watches over me.

He sees me turning around.

He sees me picking up the pieces. 

He sees me grab on to life again. 

He sees me become a mother.

He sees my baby girl.

He saw her before i knew about her.

He sent her to me. 

He knew i needed her.

He knew.

He always knew.

     

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