My mother tells me I`m a little girl 

becuase I laugh

because I go sock slidding in the halway

or because I love superhero comics

she says my freinds are little girls

becuase we`re happy

as though depression rides age

like a horseman of the apocalypse

and silence controls our minds 

like raibies

but

when I was four I cried because I couldn`t breath

and my mother taught me to hide my tears

somewhere no one could see or hear

when I was five I cried because I couldn`t speek english

and my class mate took that as a sighn of my stupidity

when I  was eight I cried because I was freindless and gulible enough to beleive I was stupid

when I was twelve I cried because growing up is hard

when I was fifteen I cried so hard I wanted to die

but I`m not crying now

becuase I didn`t grow out of happiness

I grew into it