i thought about taking a knife to my eyes 

or my throat

or my chest

so that i could be rid of everything

but as you've figured- 

i didn't do that. 

i thought i could be another dead person who died before they could do anything noteworthy

or unnoteworthy, for that matter

but as you've figured-

i'm not dead yet. 

jury is still out on whether i have done anything worthy of constituting my existence. 

i wish i could be one of those people who didn't think about things like this. 

who has to justify their own reasons for living

to themselves? 

jury is still out on what reasons there are for me living right now. 

i think i could do some great things. 

i worry that i never will. 

jury is still out on that.