Being five and starting to lose my mother

Not to unseen forces

But to a known reason:         

Because she no longer wanted to be there

Being five and feeling unwanted

Unworthy

Growing up feeling like the gunk

On the bottom of shoes

Because she left me,

Her supposed ‘baby girl’

Once a reason why I wrote

Unwanted touches late in the night

From those who shouldn’t

Too scared to speak out

Too scared to say no

Being lost in a situation

And not having a way out

Once a reason why I wrote

Discovering who I am

Only to find I’m not accepted

And

Should they find out,

Unloved

Feeling alone as I learn of my identity

Feeling cast out

Once a reason I wrote

Falling in a love so sweet

Feeling so secure

So alive

Only to have it torn away brutally

Once a reason why I wrote

All once reasons why I wrote

The feeling behind the words

On the paper pages

The meaning in my mind

But no longer do I write for tragedy

A future, although unknown, excitedly waits for me

A knowledge that lets me push my boundaries

And does not bound me to my circumstances

But let’s me live in spite of them

A present that get a little better every day

Because of me, who stands a little taller every day

A me who is learning to accept myself

Despite those who surround me

And believe otherwise

I write for a growing me

A better me

I write for the truth that is me