As I walk down the aisle today, I think about all the things that got me to this day.
I flash back to 5 years ago, a long way from here, but it feels like home.
Freezing, falling, frolicking; waist deep in perfection.
Middle of winter, two below-wishing to go inside for some hot cocoa.
Flashing then to tall green cornfields, wondering which way to go.
Dogs and cats bringing new life to all that surrounds.
Singing songs of spiders and dew, wondering, 'what makes cows moo?'
When, at once, the moon appears. The flames of our bonfire dancing with the stars.
Our marshmallows ooey and gooey, falling apart.
The drooping faces of the little ones trying to stay awake.
Again, my mind flashes, closer now, to a time more serious and full of doubt.
'Am I doing the right thing?'
'What will happen now?'
As I sit on the couch, just 12 years old, near to the day, my mind rushing to different places.
Panic, anger, fear, sadness, strength, love and despair, all crowd my thoughts as I try to concentrate on my mom's voice.
"..in an ambulance..doctors said..didn't make it.."
Months later, going along, living our daily lives,
Though to me, it feels wrong.
Living without him is...
No one is happy, again and again.
This dread and hatred keeps coming back,
Like a long-lost friend.
We leave our home, for the second time, just to go minutes away.
Months later, back again
Not for happiness, but for the security of these four walls.
Things won't be the same
I can feel it as I walk these halls.
Closer yet, to this moment
A happier face appears in my mind.
The best we've had, no more times of iron-clad.
Words of anger, gone forevermore.
I'd like to think so, but I'm still unsure.
I hear the music,
That's my cue.
Through these doors,
We all will walk,
Our emotions show, changing to happiness, no longer distraught.
For once I say, "Change is good."
All at once, the tears may flow, not for a loss, but for a feeling of love.
So much happiness now, smiles and giggles
And that twinkling that hasn't come around for a long while-it's here to stay.