You are fourteen years old

You see girls all around you who look better

Act better

Do better

Get better

And you wonder,

how can I be like them?

You look down at your lunch,

And you set aside a third

You don’t need that right now, 

It’s still 2/3s of your lunch

You’ll be fine for the rest of the day

 

You are fourteen and a half

Fifteen soon, with a crush on an older boy

He seems to like smaller girls

You set aside half of your lunch, 

and you stop eating breakfast.

It makes you nauseous to eat that early anyway.

 

You are fifteen and a half

Your friend since the beginning of last year has left you in the dust

You get out of control.

Half

becomes a third

becomes a quarter

becomes a water bottle on a good day

You want control again and this is how you get it

Make people worry about you so they won’t leave.

 

You are almost seventeen

You almost pass out every time you stand, and decide to make a change.

A bottle of water on a good day 

becomes a bottle of water every day

and some veggies on the side,

fruits if you’re feeling brave.

You still feel guilty eating carbs,

and you can’t even fathom fats,

but it’s a start

You start to get better.

 

You are almost eighteen.

It’s still hard, you still crave attention.

Some days its a lot to eat some soup

But the good days make it worth it

When you can enjoy such a simple pleasure

With friends or family

You’ve only halfway beaten your fear,

Only taken back half the serving

 

But it’s a start.