It's Not My Fault

Thu, 05/30/2013 - 20:59 -- Shalezz


United States
33° 26' 50.8488" N, 84° 10' 30.594" W

Everyone keeps staring at me
My belly swells and my feet hurt
I didnt ask for this change
I didnt ask for this experience
stop staring at me please
judging me in your head
whispers in the shadow of my back
It was my choice to keep it
I opened my legs and now Im stuck
It was only once
He said he loved me
They always say they love you
He was different but no different enough
He left the moment he knew
I'm alone
Mom is dissapointed
Dad was never here
I wish someone would have told me it would be like this
I don't have any friends and the stereotype of color still exists
7 months of school, sickness and Isolation
I hide and cry as I lay on my back in a cold bed
The shower doesnt run anymore
I sit in warm water, it doesnt even cover me anymore
The radio on the counter, the knife on the floor
So many tempting ways to forget this misery
but I'm not just thinking of me now
I'm not physically alone anymore
It's me and it
I don't want the doctor to tell me I'll see for myself
I push everyday to see that face
the unconditional love it will give
I will be a mother
I will always have haters
The mistake is now a blessing
Stay strong, I keep telling myself
but those faces, looks and loss of words
It kills me to know I will never be accepted
I'm one of those girls now
Mommy said I would be
Just like her
It's not my fault
No one taught me,
Daddy never loved me
Mom did the best she could
I'm just like her
Another girl who couldn't close her legs
Society changed me as it changes the world
but the world doesnt love us because we don't love it
The beauty of a pregnacy is now a conviction
It is my fault to keep a soul


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