Addiction. It was always there growing up with you.
You taught me to walk, talk, and ride a bike. Dad, look at me! I’m doing it!
You would leave and I would stay laying and crying.
Daddy’s little girl, you would say.
At the age of 10 no one knew what I thought was once a fairytale
was soon to strike midnight and turn into a pumpkin.
I had no idea what life was going to be like without you.
As a teenager, I was no longer crying.
I had you every single night, dad.
You were my best friend.
Late night video games, bongs and pipes.
Why would I ever leave?
My safety, my security, my fun, my father all under one roof.
So much fun I wouldn’t sleep for 4 days and stay up late with you.
I was addicted.
Every come down, you gave me more. I gave us more. We always had more.
More to the point where I was pleading, and begging let this pain go away.
Sitting in the shower begging God to cure this addiction.
On my knees Lord, please. I don’t want to do meth anymore.
Stepped out of the shower and took another hit.
Dad, lets please stop together, let’s get clean together, let’s be happy again.
Sweetie, I stopped awhile ago.
Months go by, and who was once a drug addict become a straight A student.
DAD! Look at me! I’m sober now… he looked drained as if he hasn’t slept in days.
I thought you stopped.
Months go by, visiting him in the hospital
I thought you stopped
More months go by…. He can’t move, can’t speak, can’t smoke. He’s incoherent.
I cried, I thought you stopped
He passed away my junior year, which was the only way that made him stop.
I was an angry teenager, why couldn’t he just have stopped with me.
Why did I give him more meth? why did he give me meth? Why? Why? Why?
Why did my dad die? He was addicted.
After his death, I wanted to believe that the meth pipe wouldn’t be in his house.
If my dad is gone. That pipe better not be there.
So angry I went into his house.
Stormed into the laundry room and opened up the compartment where the paraphernalia would be kept.
It was still there.
I couldn’t believe I lost my dad over something so small, something so… of this world that would take ones precious life away.
Immediately crying I took the pipe and crushed it.
It took my dad’s life away; I won’t let it take mine.