It was still there.

Addiction. It was always there growing up with you. 

You taught me to walk, talk, and ride a bike. Dad, look at me! I’m doing it!

You would leave and I would stay laying and crying.

Daddy’s little girl, you would say.

At the age of 10 no one knew what I thought was once a fairytale

was soon to strike midnight and turn into a pumpkin.

My pumpkin.

I had no idea what life was going to be like without you.

As a teenager, I was no longer crying.

I had you every single night, dad.

You were my best friend.

Late night video games, bongs and pipes.

Why would I ever leave?

My safety, my security, my fun, my father all under one roof.

So much fun I wouldn’t sleep for 4 days and stay up late with you.

I was addicted.

Every come down, you gave me more. I gave us more. We always had more.

More to the point where I was pleading, and begging let this pain go away.

Sitting in the shower begging God to cure this addiction.

On my knees Lord, please. I don’t want to do meth anymore.

Stepped out of the shower and took another hit.

Dad, lets please stop together, let’s get clean together, let’s be happy again.

Sweetie, I stopped awhile ago.

Months go by, and who was once a drug addict become a straight A student.

DAD! Look at me! I’m sober now… he looked drained as if he hasn’t slept in days.

I thought you stopped.

Months go by, visiting him in the hospital

I thought you stopped

More months go by…. He can’t move, can’t speak, can’t smoke. He’s incoherent.

I cried, I thought you stopped

He passed away my junior year, which was the only way that made him stop.

I was an angry teenager, why couldn’t he just have stopped with me.

Why did I give him more meth? why did he give me meth? Why? Why? Why?

Why did my dad die? He was addicted.

After his death, I wanted to believe that the meth pipe wouldn’t be in his house.

If my dad is gone. That pipe better not be there.

So angry I went into his house.

Stormed into the laundry room and opened up the compartment where the paraphernalia would be kept.

It was still there.

I couldn’t believe I lost my dad over something so small, something so… of this world that would take ones precious life away.

Immediately crying I took the pipe and crushed it.

It took my dad’s life away; I won’t let it take mine.  

 

This poem is about: 
My family

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741