I'd like to skirt around the issue that I can be an ignoramus

I can avoid the issues of me being insecure

I can ignore the issue of being constantly scared

I don't often mind my issues of forgetting to do my mandatory obstacles

 

But my issues are not something I can handle all at once

What issues do I even have?

Besides my issues of a ferocious fear being rejected by those who can’t accept me

And the issues of the fact that  in a year, i know I’ll be completely on my own

And i don’t know what to do or who to be

My issues on conflicted thoughts and random thesis statements on essays I’ll never write for a teacher again is one that I cannot apply with myself

 

So to introduce this new life, my issues need to go out of the painted window on my wall

And my worries should be flushed down a clogged toilet

Because if my issues can’t go anywhere,

then I’m just left here to sit and deal with it

 

So I stare at this painted window on my wall as if my issues were out there so I can be isolated with just the good thoughts of what’s to come in a matter of a few years

Only problem is that I’m finally arriving towards the middle part of life that is between being a child and becoming that person I always wanted

Another issue is that I didn’t spend my childhood studying what I could be

So my greatness of the possibilities that are open for me feels like it’s shutting down day after another

And what I can see myself as is something that I have no faith in

If faith means never keeping score,

then why does it feel like my time is running out and when the game ends, I lose?

 

What I believe in is for my issues to be turned into something that I can control,

but I don’t think it always mean I can hang on to it for as long as I want it to

And I'm so sick and tired of just lying in bed, complaining about this

Thinking maybe my $7.25 an hour job as a buggy pusher and bag boy is one for me

 

I have so many options and I choose little to none because of my issue of not being good enough

I once spoke of the summer where I talked to those who needed someone to tell them to stop blaming themselves for a situation they couldn't handle

When I was told of opportunities of living life this way, I stopped and said no

 

No to a possible bad outcome of losing a person because I failed to do my one job

My hypocritical thinking of love yourself backfired to me when I didn't like who I thought I would be by having missed moments

The missed moments of reading "thank you" letters besides writing out "I'm sorry" post it notes is one target that I have to strike in order to redefine my self confidence

 

To not miss my moments that were once old issues

But to take on the issues I have now so that I can slowly start being a hard working person besides a lonely, lazy, self-hating guy who has nothing but his issues