internal defeat


I claim I’m lonely

But there’s always a figure right beside me

Walking by me.

Grasping my hand through thick and thin.

I failed to apprehend her feelings from within

All I cared about was the trouble I got in.

All I cared about was those undisturbed nights having fun with friends

Not caring about where or what adobe I laid my head in.

I was having fun

She was home crying

Begging God to watch over me and keep me from dying.

Never attended to her denunciated words

But she said she won’t stop trying

My heart wanted to obey

But my mind wasn’t complying.

But she still held my hand

Through the good, bad, thick, and, thin.

It was only a matter of time before I independently gave in

Only a matter of time before I could no longer run.

Before my shameful ways were done.

But again.

My mind and my heart weren’t at unison.

My mama step in and grab me from the depths of hell

Grasping my soul tightly

Picking me up from where I fell.

Raising my soul from the deepest depths of Earth.

Telling her precious child act like her worth.

I couldn’t continue to see the tears falling on her cheeks

Each tear signifying something that I have done.

I was at war with myself, but my mama had won.


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