It was

Autumn.

I have a pocketful of broken glass but glass is just superheated sand and who cares about sand anyways

I met you in Autumn.

I’m so crazy. Sometimes when you’re crazy people think they can’t catch you which is good ‘cause I was never gonna be caught by anyone anyways.

Front and Center.

This is what you said:

I feel really bad about what happened last night. I shouldn’t have tried to make anything happen. I was just being stupid. I’m sorry.

hahahahahahahahahahah. You silly thing.

That’s how your mother raised you and it was three in the morning and you were so tired and you live your whole life in your own head anyways and what’s there to do at three in the morning but freak yourself out?

Mike is the only one who can run philosophy circles around me anyways. The only one in the whole world.

But you don’t even like him. He touches your head and gives you ptsd.

Sometimes broken glass is just broken glass and blood is just blood and people are just people and crazy is just a word anyways.

You have feelings

too.

I know. I lied to you. I was in a dream and I smoked a cigarette and then your best friend in the whole world, the one I kissed in December, he screamed at me and said, you can’t do this, he depends on you now.

You have to be there for him now.

That’s what he said, when we drank too much, he told me not to hurt you.

That’s why

I lied.

He said you don’t have to depend on anyone. But sometimes you have to let people depend on you.

If you hurt him

I’ll kill you.

Again?

He’s mad now, but he’s selfish, and you like this don’t you?

I have a pocketful of broken glass and blood. That’s just fine, though, because sometimes those things are important, more important than those silly pocket things before they break and more important than keeping my blood in my body anyways.

You haven’t even got a favorite color.

You only want to climb a mountain.

But only one.

And it doesn’t matter which one.

Or where.

Or who lives there.

Or what they do.

Or what they dream about.

But I swam naked in the ocean.

Because I’m crazy.

But I like that.

The two of you made a graph that told me I have gravity.

Math I don’t understand. But you don’t understand that you are only a variable. I am the equation.

I am like the Earth. If you are another planet, my gravity will attract you endlessly and you cannot escape my force but two planets will never collide.

Good luck trying.

That’s real science.

I’ll tear you apart.

Every person has a problem that is bigger and more important than any other problem, and it will grow to define them.

I know yours, of course I know yours. You’re so easy to read. That’s the problem with being sane.

But I am crazy and you will never know mine.

But I am not the Earth. You’ll never, ever, ever know that.

La Tierra went far away. Saw many more than one mountain. Cared about what they dreamed there. Crazy too.

It was

Autumn.

Do I remember?

Of course not. That’s why I wrote this.