I have been living in fear and avoiding my darkness.

Hoping it goes away

And I am free.

However, they are present and stronger than ever.

They are screaming at me

“Wake up! It is time to heal these festering wounds”

I tell myself it is fine. This can wait, while I pour myself a drink and take a drag from my joint.

Sadness, frustration, resentment, loss is all here with the sober mind

I must drown them out

Set them on fire.

I will be fine.

I forget what fine really feels like.

Words have lost their meaning

And I have become numb in my core.

I hear my inner voice repeating ”change your ways and feel fully”

It has become my mantra, but how does it become more.

When will I act?

It all feels like bullshit

But I am still here

Trying my best to live a painful life that I have created.