"If this is what you call 'Okay'...Then I'm out."

Okay, Alright
Let's start off with 
Something first
For you.
A question.
An inquire.
A quiz,
If you will.

"Are you really true to me?" 
Seems simple enough, right?
A quick yes or no
Should be able to do the trick.
But hold on,
Before you answer
Let me add a few more
Questions that
Surely will be able
To have you answer correctly.

Do you care about me?
Do you worry about me when I don't act?
Do you want to protect me?
Do you wanna love me?
Or is it that
Did you never care in the first place,
You never wanted to be my 'friend' or 'pal'
And that you would rather blatantly ignore me
In my worst nightmare turned reality 
Because I was a damn inconvenience to you all?

Or, oh wait, I get it,
I don't serve a purpose anymore 
To you and you alone?
That you moved on and used me up 
Like a raggedy doll or a old IPhone?
That I became too 'depressing' and 
Too 'annoying' 
To the point where instead
Of telling what the hell I did wrong 
You got up and left me 
With not a damned soul?

Can you answer the question now?
Yes or No?
No, don't you back away.
You get your ass back here and 
Look me in the eye.
Watch me as I shiver
Watch me as I cry
Watch me as I blame myself
That I drove everyone away
Because I am different 
Because I live in a new and 
Awkward way
Because I don't understand that
You just never really wanted to be
Around me anyway.
You were here before
And had no problem abusing 
What I used to call a friendship or 
Relationship between us.

It's just now that I'm calling you out
I'm stating every name
Because fuck it all
I'm not the one to blame!
I did nothing but be kind
And live a life of what I knew 
And what I picked up
Because that's how I've adapted
Because giving up was not an option.
So don't you dare say that I am the screwup
Don't you dare attack me or my name
I have done everything in my power
I have used up a lot of 
My body,
My spirit,
My brain.

I'm tired of being used.
I'm tired of the petty lies.
I'm tired of being sad
Because you can't decide 
Whether or not I should be 
In your life.
I'm tired of being talked about
I'm tired of being ignored.
I'm tired.
So very tired.
And what's funny,
Is not a single one of you really understand 
Who this is for.

I forgive you.
Just tell the truth.
Love me.
Hate me. 
Ignore me.
I just 
Want this all
To stop being 
A child's game.
We are adults.
Let's start acting that way,


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741