i write

I write to numb the hysteria and keep my soul from clawing its way out of my throat

I write because I want to believe in myself and maybe if I can see my thought vomited onto plain white paper it’ll make them seem a little more meaningful

I write because I have problems with numbers and I think that x’s and y’s are better found in words like sex and cry

I write because sometimes my head is too loud to play the piano and my vocal chords can’t do my ambiance justice

I write not because I want to escape but because I want to understand

I write because it keeps me from inadvertently grinding my teeth and pulling out my hair

I write because I spent too much of my time trying to make a difference instead of realizing what the real problem is

I write because when my heart broke it didn’t bleed instead it cracked and I found out inside I was black

I write because the lines between insanity and creativity are non-existent in my world

I write because I need someone to know me-even if it’s a fifty year old man 300 years in the future going through an anonymous website and criticizing my verse

I write because I gave up cigarettes and it didn’t fix much

I write because I want to keep my bad habits

I write because nothing can make me stop loving you and I’ve finally accepted that my love is a terminal illness and I’ve learned to bear the burden by releasing some of it onto tear and gin soaked key boards

I write because I can say what I feel under the guise of effectively writing poetry

I write because today is better than yesterday

I write because minor chords become repetitive and sometimes I get scared

I write because it’s safer than speaking

I write because I’m too scared to clean my room in case I find a letter you wrote from when you still loved me

I write because my eyes don’t reflect light anymore unless it’s being reflected in tears

I write because I’m unraveling

I write because I’m absolutely terrified of forgetting

I write because when I look into others’ smiles they’re blank and dead and I need to know that there’s life somewhere even if it’s only through pain

I write because it keeps me from thinking about the happy times when I was still loveable

I write because I’m lonely

I write because I need you to remember

I write because I need me to forget

I write because I hope you’ll read

 

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