I was but a dove in A cage filled with sorrow; not knowing if I would die tomorrow
What would I say when I see you
That great, bright glorious day
When I meet you
I think I’d fall at your feet,
Kiss them a thousand times,
And weep
Or will I turn away and leave you be
For you are not a part of me?
When I was young, I clung to you
But I slowly strayed away
Now I fear I can’t get to you
Because I’m still the same
I know your word saves me
But when I wake up everyday
And find myself in pain
I forget what holds me together
And find some other way to fill the emptiness in my soul,
To piece together what I’ve lost
A sip of this,
A taste of that,
What I’ve inhaled,
The words I have exhaled,
Vile tastes to your ears
I know…
My lack of self-control
How can you ever forgive me?
When my failures were chosen by me?
Can you ever forgive me?
Before you say anything
I will tell more of what I’ve done
I feel like I haven’t said enough
I have bruises from falling
Scars from fighting
Eyes that went blind to purity
My clothes, stained with blood
Not white and silky anymore
I’ve tried to drain them  
But failed many times before
What I lack in nobility,
I’ve replaced with iniquity
A hunger I’ve never experienced before
Until now
This hunger for everything that is not right
A passion for what is not pure
Yes I am guilty,
I know of it
I laugh for I am scared,
But then I am satisfied.
I’ve done what gave me most pleasure of all
But paid the price for this petty fall
Now there is a heavier price to pay for my lust
For I cannot turn back the clock
To the time when I was born
When I knew nothing of anguish
And was protected from harm
In my mother’s arms
And run away from this humility
A painful stab to my heart and mind
A thing that I lacked the most
Yes I know,
For the things I loved the most
Instead of you
I lost my self-respect
Now where will I go
When I’m shriveling up inside
Every Chaos I’ve shared in my indignity
I know you can’t accept me now
For this was the liberty I chose
To lose myself in this miserable hole
Now there is only one thing left to do
God if you’re out there
Don’t worry I’ll find peace
For I know in every sin I’ve committed
I’ve torn my life from you
If there is a chance
That I might hear your voice
To comfort me in my troubles
I’ll gladly give my life to you
If you don’t exist
Then there is a chance
That I shouldn’t either
But I know you’re there
I just can’t see you
I want to believe it’s true
I want to believe that where you live
Is real
I’ve heard it many times before
Try to remember mom’s good night stories of you when you were young
Faithful and Obedient you always been
Even in the times of temptation
I sort of remember just bits and pieces
I want to believe
But something tells me to end my life,
Because then I would not be ashamed of the way I have been living
Wouldn’t hear the criticism of the men
One more life
That will be worthless
Away with the others
That felt this way
But couldn’t change
For there was no connection
No love reflection
Only outer perfection pinned on the faces of utter hypocrites
Who think they light the paths with gold by their solemn walks and obnoxious smiles
Arrogant and proud are they
Knowing who are in the way
Obnoxious roars of laughter
In a most horrifying manner
Knocking them out with a single word of hatred plastered all over their teeth
Poor souls who didn’t know what I am beginning to know,
I thought my life was over
But it was just a show
I portrayed myself to the world in the most undignified manner
That If I never have let go
I would’ve stayed under your banner
Are you listening to me Dear Christ?
My plea
This is from the bottom of my soul
I run to you now
For I know what to say
I want to look at your face and tell you
I want to embrace you and never go
I figured I didn’t have to die if you were by my side
I’ve found out that through hunger and pain
Through tragedies and catastrophes
You are there in every way
I may not see you now but I know I will soon
I have found that
Strength and will power, Deliverance, Majesty, Forgiveness, Mercy
Are All YOU
And now that I have found true joy in my heart
I know that I will be never apart
From your hands that have been scarred deeper than me
From the bruises you suffered because of me
I throw myself at your feet
Kissing them for they walked this earth for me
I have no words to express my happiness
Because you’ve said and paid it all for me
Please accept my gratitude of everlasting joy, peace, and tranquility
Because of the death You paid
I’ve been Set FREE