When I was at the age of 5
I wanted to be just like my mom.
Dad loved her,
She was beautiful
and even though she was married
she had several suitors
Like the man who proposed to her
in the vegetable section of VONS.
No wonder I wanted to be her.

She is my mother
The parent I wish I could be close to.
Like every other child in the world,
I had expectations
For her to love and adore me
And when I’d hurt myself she’d
make a big deal out of it
Kiss my cheeks,
wipe my tears with the packets of tissues
she would carry in her purse
buy me bright colored Scooby Doo band aids
and tell me that the scrape on my knee is all better now

Like isn’t there some kind of agreement
with gold cursive writing
that someone makes parents sign
before having kids?
Bold face lettering:
“I agree to the terms of becoming a parent.
I will forever love my children,
Care for them and finally
be there for them whenever they need me.”
But hey maybe she skipped that step

remember the night that I was bleeding from the inside out
I had cyst and it ruptured
Dad was gone and I was lying on their bed
In the fetal position crying, tears streaming down my face
I was trying to say
“mom call family they know what to do”
She wouldn’t listen
“No I’m not calling them it’s already 3 am”
Instead she was useless.
Calling people 2500 miles away.
That night I thought
If I don’t grow up now I’d be eternally screwed

She’s selfish and like a child she pouts
something doesn’t go the way she wants it to,
that lower lip of hers would jut out
my mom’s eyebrows would furrow,
and she’d frown for who knows how long.

She was the lucky one.
mom ruined it all when she had me
tell dad she wanted a divorce.
And the reason
“I don’t like him anymore.”
His face went from a small smile
to serious, to a man
who just had his heart broken for the first time.
His eyes became a lighter green
as tears came to his eyes
with a breath he held it in.

Years have passed since then
She has a new family
A new daughter
Let’s hope mom will cherish her more than she did me
It may sound as if I don’t love my her
But I do
I guess I should thank my mom.
Thanks mom for half assing it,
because of you I’m just fine.