I Thought Wrong

I love a bio textbook

When you        open         it for the first time.

Few people understand

The way the pages

 

Sparkle

 

And the spaces between the lines

 

Effervesce.

 

I loved and lived bio textbooks,

I greeted the paragraphs with passion,

And yet I remained unsatisfied.

 

I loved to dance

As much as I loved to breathe.

Few people appreciate

The pain

of looking

pretty

Hidden by deceptive satin

Of pink toe shoes.

 

I let ballet consume me,

 

But insatiability prevailed.

 

My mind was left in shambles,

Split between the two worlds -

And despite the A’s and the trophies

I was a shell of girl.

I ceased to laugh

But kept on crying

Not quite living

But not quite dying.

I gave up so much

For my so-called “success,”

I suffered immensely

                                                            In silent distress.

For months I sat and waited

For this mystery thing I need,

I collected a jar of tears,

And labeled it “my dreams.”

 

I thought I needed to keep

Going

Going

Going

To feel alive once again

I thought I needed to

Plan

Plan
Plan my future

To reach a happy end.

 

It turns out what I’ve been missing

To make my life worthwhile,

That             all I really need              is     

The ambrosial simplicity of a smile.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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