I Thought Wrong

I love a bio textbook

When you        open         it for the first time.

Few people understand

The way the pages




And the spaces between the lines




I loved and lived bio textbooks,

I greeted the paragraphs with passion,

And yet I remained unsatisfied.


I loved to dance

As much as I loved to breathe.

Few people appreciate

The pain

of looking


Hidden by deceptive satin

Of pink toe shoes.


I let ballet consume me,


But insatiability prevailed.


My mind was left in shambles,

Split between the two worlds -

And despite the A’s and the trophies

I was a shell of girl.

I ceased to laugh

But kept on crying

Not quite living

But not quite dying.

I gave up so much

For my so-called “success,”

I suffered immensely

                                                            In silent distress.

For months I sat and waited

For this mystery thing I need,

I collected a jar of tears,

And labeled it “my dreams.”


I thought I needed to keep




To feel alive once again

I thought I needed to


Plan my future

To reach a happy end.


It turns out what I’ve been missing

To make my life worthwhile,

That             all I really need              is     

The ambrosial simplicity of a smile.


This poem is about: 


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