I Refuse

Sometimes I feel like I'm at the center of the universe.

Everything revolves around me.

Or some days,

Like everything is coming down on me.

Whether it is good or bad is up to me.

It's a choice.

Other days I feel as if I'm a wisp of air.

A stench that makes noses crinkle but otherwise goes unnoticed.

Or I feel just as annoying as an insect buzzing around someone's ear.

But most days I wake up feeling blank.

Waking every morning ready for the new day,

a new story,

a fresh start,

and an adventure ready to begin.

Sometimes,

a lot of times,

I feel like a rumor,

something nasty being passed around like a disease,

Person to person,

Ear to ear.

No one wants to hear it,

but deep down inside they all love the juicy tenderness of words being whispered.

But somedays, I feel so lost.

So out of control.

I have no motivation to do anything

and I hate it.

I am nothing.

I have no way to tell what's ahead,

All I have is my past.

It's all so confusing,

Being a story,

Being an object,

Being a rumor,

Being a label.

It's all so hard to make sense of because

All I want to be is free,

Free of my story,

free from their opinion,

free of all the labels,

free of my past!

I just want to be me.

To be who I truly am without being deemed a fluke for doing so.

I refuse to be nothing,

I refuse to conform.

I dispute the opinions and labels that bind me.

I refuse to live in my past and be consumed of hate and jealousy.

I refuse to be something I'm not, to be anything less than what I am.

I refuse.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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