It’s my first time.

The words. Hanging off my tongue.

He’s the first. He’s special.

We’ve been together for so long time.

I’m nervous. Terrified. Ecstatic.

It’s not his first. He’s done it. Before he met me.

 

I didn’t know what this was. At first.

This feeling. Bubbling in my chest.

The loud pounding. Only when he’s around.

I’m afraid. What if he hears it?

I want to tell him. I need to.

Will he hate me? Like the others?

 

He knows who I am. What I am.

He doesn’t care. He loves me for me.

But his love is different than mine.

It’s the love of a friend. It’s how he sees me.

All I’ve ever been is a friend. Since forever.

If only it was different, he could be mine.

 

“I love you,” I tell him. Stuttering out the words.

We are laying on my bed. Playing games.

His face blank. Silent. Is that bad or good?

I tried to cover it up. Saying as a friend.

But it didn’t come out. He stopped me.

Pulling me to him. To his chest. His heart.

 

A hush washed over us.

I couldn’t see his face. He wouldn’t let me.

“What?” He whispered. His hot breath caressing my ear.

Shivers run down my spine. I wish time would stop.

“Say it again.” What? I’m confused. Does that mean…?

No. Don’t get your hopes up. It could be nothing.

 

Again but slower. Muffled by his shirt.

His hold tightens. Stealing my breath.

“Again.” I obeyed. Over and over.

He never said it back. I didn’t mind.

My feelings were finally made clear.

Weight lifted. I’m finally free.

 

He releases me. My eyes catch a glimpse of his face.

A dark blush covered it. His own orbs were glazed with… desire?

That can’t be right. It must be a trick of the light.

He leans forward. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.

His lips brush mine. I was captured. Enraptured

Fiery. Hot. Passionate. Demanding. Love.

 

I can’t fall anymore. Pull away. I need to.

I’m losing myself. We stayed for what felt like hours.

Until the need for air became too much.

Our lips undo themselves. Gasping for air.

Confusion took over. He taking me in circles. Dizzy.

Words refused to leave. No amount of sputtering would make them.

 

At last, he spoke. His words flew through my ears.

No. I must have heard him wrong. “Again,” I say.

He obeys. It’s what he said the first time.

“Again.” He does. Over and over.

Impossible. We are the same. Men.

He’s always been with the opposite. Girl.  

 

I jump to him. Tumbling to the bed. Laughing.

My lips catch his. Twisting and turning.

His tongue slides in as does mine. Deepening.

Hands sliding up shirts. Down pants.

His words play over. Never ending.

“I love you too.”