We say

“fuck”

to release ourselves

we say

“I don’t need anybody.”

and we hope that somebody hears

so that they can fix the holes in our patchwork hearts

but I am always reluctant to give up the thread

and

the needle

but I need the drafts to be sealed

because the cold winds

blow harder everyday

Your goodbye

will feel like 60 moths

flapping their wings

attempting

butterfly kisses

Your voice stings

like the scratches

on my knees

when I fell

and kissed the ground

and let my skin breath

I miss your missing teeth

like broken piano keys

they play a sour sweet tooth

bittersweet euphony

have you ever felt the bones

in your face

and question why they’re there?

Maybe they just got lost

maybe our bodies don’t

define us

and maybe

one day

i’ll be able to look at you

and not get a stomach ache.

Your matches float up

and create the stars

trying to set the sky on fire

trying to burn the world

to the ground

but the flame goes out

and you start to cry

but not for me.

I hope the bats fly off your face

some day

and come find me

resurrecting

our dead bodies

our dead hearts

they stopped beating

on that monday

yours stopped

when I told it to

but mine

it began to swell

and grow with every one of your denials

with everyone of your cold shoulders

with everyone of your rambles

I think I’m just a daydream

I think I’m used

I think I’m spent

let’s bruise our knuckles

so it can be another thing we have in common

that line was not for you

you found my crux

and dug your way out

I drudged into your heart

scratching tik marks on the walls

until I was free

Interlaced between yes

and no

maybe I should have said go

instead of stop.

Right now

I am a just a hale storm

lightning bolt

rainy day

tornado

hurricane

anything

and everything

conflicted.

Jump into my goose bumps

call me poison

throw me at the moon

and maybe

I’ll like it there

Your home is not a lullaby

Where is your home?

you don’t have a home?

Is that what you say song bird?

You used me as a fire escape

the smoke blinded me

you ran

before I got a chance to

You see me as a forest

ready to be cut

and burned down

I see you as an ocean

ready to be drained

and I thought I saw a ghost

but it was just my reflection in the mirror

I have known too many ghosts

and let them trail

behind me

listening to their weeps

their wails

their regrets

I think you have become a ghost

You are my ghost.

But I hope to a god that I don’t believe in

that you don’t

haunt me.