I Cannot Help But Wonder
I often wonder
How much my life would be different
Perhaps you are the right person
That came in the wrong time
Or perhaps you are the right person
That placed me in the right time
However
I cannot help but wonder
And I scorn myself for thinking this
What would happened if I chose my brain instead of my heart
Would things be for the better?
Or
For the worst?
I cannot help these thoughts
These gloomy clouds that rain upon my mind
And create rivers from my eyes
If I had really made the right choice
You see,
I spend a whole lot of time trying to convince myself that this was the way to go.
That this was brought upon me to make me better.
But I cannot help but wonder,
I cannot help but wonder,
About these signs, if I had interpreted them right or wrong
Was the universe trying to extract me from you?
I have defied it. Yes.
But with a terrible consequence.
Everything I am right now
Is because of you.
The good the bad and the ugly
Lying has become a habit
To the point where I not only lie to others but to myself
I try to paint an image of myself that is better and happier and superior
Hoping that that will be able to replenish the future I destroyed.
I have no one to blame but myself.
I should've been wiser
I should've been smarter
I should've used my brain more than I used my heart.
But I cannot help but wonder.
And I am so sorry for thinking this.
But I cannot help but wonder.