I AM ME

BRIANA M JENKINS

Since the day I was born I was torn in two, pulled this way and that one in a battle settled in a court room.

I was my mother's asian child and my father's white one.

I was taught to give respect and I was taught to demand it.

None of this ever mattered to me because no matter what I was, it did not change the fact that in my youth I was tainted by a man of the world. I was only an eleven year old girl.

Since the day my lips were grazed by someone who betrayed my middle school best friend, the names that they called me never ended.

I was called "whore" and "slut" walking down the hallways at twelve years old.

I didn't do myself any favours by telling the world that I also fancied women the year after that.

"Dyke" and "Freak" were yelled at me at thirteen.

Since the day I first took a razor to my own skin, a flame to my wrist, and refused to eat I became a statistic.

I was one of thousands to self harm, I was one of millions to be sexually abused, I was one of many to attempt death.

But I am not weak.

I am not docile.

I am not a number on a chart, or a statistic for you to gawk at.

I am not only Viet and I am not only White.

I am not ashamed, or beaten, or damaged.

But I am stronger than I look, and far more cunning.

I am a survivor of my own doing and others.

I am mixed.

I am beautiful, I am radiant, I am a stain glass window...not just broken glass.

I am an author, I am a poet, I am an artist.

I am a friend, a daughter, a sister, a human being.

I am the bearer of scars, secrets I still haven't told and a past I'll never escape.

I am midnight blue and vibrant yellow.

I am malleable, I am evolving, I am becoming new versions and models of myself every day.

I am Miki. I am Pancake. I am Pond. I am Chase.

I am Briana M Jenkins.

I am Me.

Things are going to change, as they do.

Who I am today, wasn't who I was yesterday, and not who I am going to be tomorrow.

And I am content with that.