Hurtness of the Soul

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My soul and my whole existence hurts

I keep on doubting who I am

Am i who others want me to be

Or the person that i see myself being and is

My heart and mind are both fearful

when alone even wide awake i will be living a nightmare

My heart is black and dark and i can not deny it

I love and i hate

I'm the girl that others may see see smilling

but inside i'm the girl that wants to scream bloody murder and 

that sheds her tears alone in the dark

i find myself wanting to go away 

to be far from my old life as soon as possible

Like the wind i want to fly and be free

I ache to be accepeted into the word

I ache to be loved

Each day is like rubbing more salt into the already scared cuts 

Will there be a day where i am trully unconditional happy

yes someday maybe i'll be

but now i'm trying to take life one day at a time

hoping that in the future my burdens and sorrows will ease and 

that this hatred and hurt that i'm carrying in my heart will find solace

For  now i'll just ask for courage to bear this pain and 

to be able to held my head up high with honnor 

knowing of what i had gone through to be where i am to that day of time

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