my grandpa carried a gun in a hip holster

he thought that was how he kept us safe

but we needed to be protected from him

the bruises he left on my grandmother

the trauma my mother lives with

he got mad when restaurants didnt let him in with his gun

that scared me

it scared me when he yelled at grandmother

he thought she was never right

the rightest thing she ever did was leave him

and his gun

he had a whole closet full of them

hunting rifles hand guns etc

we had to deal with them when he was kicked out

i didnt want to

i didnt want to even think about my ex grandfathers guns

much less see them

what if he had hurt us with those guns

the gun that belonged in a holster

i wish it had been destroyed instead

not chosen over family

because a gun in a holster does the user no good 

it just puffs him up 

and scares those who tried to love him