have you ever felt so numb that you cant even

think of a metaphor to explain how depressed 

you are? that's how i feel right now; like a 

hollow tree abandoned in the middle of herth. 

i come from a past of anger issues, abandomment,

alcoholism, manic depression, and deception. 

i was supposed to be the one to change 

all that; i was supposed to break the cycle. 

my greatest fear has always been failure. 

and death. death is some scary shit. 

but im just another domino, a pawn, if you will,

of what my last name has bestowed upon me. 

i always wanted to take his last name 

when we wed, two kindled spirits uniting 

as one eternal flame, but it turns i am 

hella gay and i havent even met her yet. 

what good is a heart if it has no one to beat for?

what use have these lungs if there is nothing

worth breathing for? why live a life if there's

no reason to be alive? the answer is because

she's out there somewhere. if i die i'm killing 

off her spirit, too. she's somebody's daughter, too. 

she deserves to be happy, too. 

but right now, she's just a daydream

in my numb state of curiosity.