There are only 2 things I fear

Death: for obvious reasons

But what I'm scared of more is rejection

Rejection causes embarrassments

It creates loneliness with a broken spirit

When you die, its scary to think of how and what will happen afterwards,

but with rejection comes with doubts, regrets,

The "I shouldn't have done this" or the "I shouldn't have said thats."

People may laugh and people might be mad

The embarrassment is more painful than death

Which is why we always say, "God, kill me now."

As if death were the bittersweetness of life

 

Her voice is sweet

I hear her singing in my mind when it’s quiet because she makes my head blank and quiet enough to hear her voice which shushes all of the others

The melody of the way in which her voice is singing goes so perfect with the music

It's always in the back of my mind,

reminding me of happy moments

 

I fear her the most

I could find the confidence to tell a girl how pretty she is if I knew I would never meet her

But I would eventually talk to that random girl and eventually start a relationship that usually ends bad

 

But with her,

my mind erases with the words and i feel as if i'm talking out of my ass because I'm acting like one around her

I say things so dumb and I can tell she can't put up with me

 

Why is it so hard?

We like the same song

We read the same books

We watch the same movies

We even have the same beliefs on some things

 

Oh, why do i like her so much?

Why do i like this girl who can't say hi back

A girl that profiled me as, "Do NOT talk to"

I've been blaming myself and i know i have my faults

But if she wont notice that ive realized that

What am i doing?

What I lack in my body and face

I make up in my words

And my words are damn-near on point

And if she doesn't have the time to sit and listen,

why try?

I know who i am

I'm someone who won't waste their time on some girl that will never try to know the real me

I’m my own person

I have my own thoughts

I don’t need to constantly think of some girl who doesn't know that on some days I don't like myself

While on others I find myself pretty fantastic

And on most days, I’m fantastic

But there are bad days as well

And she's not a part of it

If she can't put in an effort to tell me hi

Or to not notice that, hey maybe I'm someone interesting

 

If she can't do anything like that,

then forget her!

Who cares what she thinks about me?

What I think about me is what matters

 

And who I am is a fat, lazy,sort of smart person with a passion for words

I crave to type them

I crave to write them

but I'm too lazy to do all that when i have free time

 

My passion for words is in poetry, music, or any kind of art that may not have words on them, but can still leave the words in your mouth to go blank because in that moment, you’re speechless

 

I love someone who talks a lot, but the lack of words used to describe the indescribable is so authentic that people appreciate it

Speechless means that you took the words right out of peoples mouths and did something with it to the point where they can’t and don’t need to explain what is right in front of their faces

 

I crave for those moments and all I use to want was to have those moments with her,

but why her in particular

 

Maybe it isn't attractive to her or a lot of people

But maybe I’ll find someone who does

 

I will find them

 

Because who needs her

Her songs may give me a pleasant symphony on some days, but on others they might as well have never existed

 

I’m my own person

I have my own ways

I speak how i speak

I say what i say

And I'm not going to act as if i'm a proper person or what not just for her

No

I’m going to act how i act and nobody will stop me except me

 

Whoever says that you should be a certain way to every girl, you're wrong

It’s not how you should act around a girl and it's not how a girl should act around a guy

It’s how they feel that matters

 

And what I feel is that I don't need to worry about her

I don’t need to worry about anyone except myself and the ones who truly matter to me like my closest friends, my family and my beautiful nieces and nephews

 

I'm me and I don't care for anyone that will never look my way even when I need them the most!

 

I will not put up for this

Not for her or for anyone else who won't give me the time of day

 

But I often find myself asking...

why doesn't she like me?