don't try to hold me down, i never asked for that
biology meets ontology and now i'm seeing something sinister in that luminous, magnetic gleam in those eyes.
i never got to finish my sentence, if only i could tell you that
but what would i have to tell you?
that the mixed boy named Ish who i traveled with an spoke spanish with
gave me more authentic feelings of honesty and friendship, and mutual fun while we sat in sanctuaries of cattails in southern oregon?
that it was never about him either?
that i just wanted to love my friend, because i kept doing that thing
that thing where you love someone who is unavailable
so you uproot your life for them
yeah that thing
and yeah well i did that thing again
only to realize
i wouldn't understand most of it until later, anyhow.
Ish wasn't the one who was emotionally unavailable, though.
Ish brought me back down to home body love blessings,
that good migration route to YU,
the one that we always find again,
because Life Is Sweet like sweetgrass and cattails and red barns in places that only good SolFam knows.
And only good SolFood Grows.
Don't try to suppress all those feelings.
I wrote this.
I don't know why.
I like a reason to fly,
& I give everything I focus on
a fair shot & try.