Guilty by Dissociation

'What did I do to deserve this?'
Was never a question that crossed my
Mind's eye which so readily flits on time's blunt heel to remind
The ins and outs of a day of the cinematic epics of my failures dumbstruck on replay

My hands were muddy
Perhaps they were bloody
Brain blows from the inside shook my memory of those days old and gone by
Fogged up, and cracked up, but not shattered

No, never shattered for that would be too sweet a relief to not know that I
Was evil,
Am evil?
When I see that face in the water window that drowns me each morning I find myself looped in mourning for I don't know who he be that stares back at me,
but I wish he were just one.

Sorry, I rhyme sometimes but then I don't
There's no reason to it, it's just me and there's certainly no reason to him, me, him


I'm better now, free now, for now, maybe for good,
Because of good;
I wanna be good
But I'm not good?
Maybe that's all there is to me;
a wanna be
Maybe, should I go back to that house with the padded white walls?

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