On Monday I met a girl,
In a semi lit liquor and barbecue joint,
On a chilly evening.
She said, “Take whiskey shots with me”
I said “I am more of a vodka guy myself”
“I am a more of a whiskey girl myself” She said,
“And since tonight it is my birthday, I am the boss.”
So I took Whiskey shots with the boss,
And cringed and whined about how it sucked on my system.
“You aren’t a man” She rebuked
“If you measure the ‘amount’ of manhood in a man by the way he handles his whiskey shots,
Darling, you are one confused lady.”

On Tuesday, she called inviting me for drinks.
“This time it has to be vodka” I declared
She wanted to see how I’d handle it,
So she and a bunch of friends rendezvoused at the joint of my choosing,
And committed genocide against vodka bottles.

On Wednesday morning she woke up in my bed,
And the smile on her face told me she enjoyed last night.

Thursday dawned and she invited me to lunch with her brother,
A funny guy who wouldn’t stop asking about her ex,
Which pissed her off because she didn’t want me to be her next ex,
So lunch ended early,
But that wasn’t all bad because a splendid evening commenced early.

On Friday I ambushed my brother,
Because see, I was so excited about my girl,
There was no way I wasn’t going to introduce her to dear old bro.
But I warned him,
“Don’t bring up the ex, or I’ll tell your wife about that time you had an STI,
And dear bro, it wasn’t from her.”
No ex discussions lead to amazing lunches.

Since the Friday lunch went so well,
We figured why not spend Saturday with my family.
Which went well, which leads me to…

Sunday… when I met her family,
And it was all a nosedive from there.
Suddenly, I came from too liberal a family,
We are not Christians enough,
Papa’s got one too many wives for their liking…

Why do I have to feel guilty about that?
I didn’t choose which family to be born into, but by God I love where I am from.
So darling, why make me feel guilty of being,
When being is all I am?
When now that you and your family are halfway out the door,
My art of being is all I have left.