Today is May 7th 2022

I havent written on this site in 9 months and some days maybe weeks 

I havent been able to write how i used to in so long my brain is in a foggy mist 

I find myself at times re reading my old poems and questioning

if I could even call them poem because I dont write enough to be a writer 

I dont speak enough or put feeling into my words enough to call my self human 

Writing has always been a way for me to express myself maybe it was a temp fix

to my life time problems but without writing i feel lost and confused 

I bottle up my emotions and the explode like a shaken soda can 

I can only hold so much in till i explode I think when i write out my feelings 

When I put in my heart in these pages I feel this pressure taken off my chest

as if the weight that was placed there was given support but my brain doesnt allow

me to take the help to feel weightless so it gives me these blocks that overflow my brain

and cause me bottle my emotions 

I tend to feel like i have no emotions my heart doesnt allow me to feel my brain 

put these walls that emotions will never pass they wont break them down these walls

are made of my tears and defended by every attemp that I had as a kid 

Behind the wall is a child who is scared to feel who is fighting for peace to feel safe 

all of the emotions that had overflown my heart in the past were evicted from there home

they are no longer allowed to feel at home I took them from their comfort 

and gave them pain i gave my emotions the same feelings they gave me for years

I showed them the dark and took away their light 

as much as i wish to feel and miss the emotions They always destroy me 

and put me in a hole that feels impossible to escape 

I was put in the dark for years and if shutting out my emotions and putting them 

in the dark means i wont feel trapped then ill lose the key and forget they are there