Granny Smiths dumpling mix.

 

Ill tell you a little story

About my grannies dumpling mix

For owt it comes in handy

When a hole you’ve got to fix

 

On troffins and on downspouts

Or even in the yard

Wherever theirs a hole to fill

It sets bloody hard

 

It’s better than a weld

It’s stronger than a patch

It even makes great missiles

For the football match

 

Now granny smith’s dumpling mix

For owt it comes in handy

I even gee the dog a piece

When he’s being randy.

 

Then one day I noticed

When to me he comes to beg

Out of his left lughole

He’d grown another leg.

 

Now granny smith dumpling mix

Made the news to day

They thought they’d found white moon rock

Until it walked away.

 

It raped a teacake in the street

And the people they all did shout

And now the local gossip is

How it pulled its currents out.

 

The cops come from miles around

This thing they wanted doped

But with a great black pudding

The dumpling had eloped

 

Is not just a story

It happens to be true

They inter bred with the human race

With a pudding podgier from crew

 

The moral of this story is

These days aren’t so grand

Cos puddings are in politics

And dumplings run the land.

 

Frank Rowley   1982.