Gone With The Wind

You said you'd always be right there, said you'd always stay. The anguish that resides in me says otherwise to that promise left unkept. Started off sorta kinda great, like the sunrise you would greet me and hug me with a warm love in your heart, I'd reciprocate as I was filled with joy. Glad to see you for the moment, but never too long each time. Thought you could be someone I could look up to, maybe you'd teach me things my mind didn't have the capacity to grasp quite yet. Maybe you'd protect me from evils unseen, as my innocent eyes weren't quite mature enough to view. But as time passed, as days grew longer, as weeks became months, the love you had must've faded with your presence, and your shadow right by its side. Wondering where you went, my young and innocent mind made countless excuses. Maybe you'll be back, maybe you're busy. But how busy can one be? Wonder turns to worry, worry to sadness, sadness to anger, anger to rage, and rage to bitterness. This heart inside of me had shrunken, barely there just like you. Before you left me, you decided it was OK to place such tremendous weight upon my shoulders. To look me in my loving eyes and know that your intentions were to leave them searching for you. You taught me things, but they weren't exactly what you'd be proud to brag about to fellow friends. You taught me to hate, to hold on to hurt like it was equivalent to oxygen, to distrust the intentions of well meaning people because they too could become just like you. To take life as serious as possible because nothing good could possibly last forever. But the evils saw me, and these once innocent eyes of mine could see them too, but this heart and mind, they had become naive to reality as my wounded soul was wandering in the darkness of danger. God made many attempts to light a trail to send me in the other direction, and this trail I indeed saw, but that trail of darkness had a sick aura my soul was hungry for. As I walked the trail of darkness, I could hear God and his angels telling me to come back, and yet, I ignored them with an ignorance in me that was unacceptable in all it was. By the time I got to the end of this trail, there I was, lost in the woods of despair, I found an unsettling comfort here, even though my heart knew this was no way to live. In time, my heart began to desire something more positive, something better than what I thought I deserved. In search of the trail that lead me here, I discovered it had disappeared, and in a quick panic, I began to run. The evils could smell my fear like a dog could smell meat for miles. With shackles of weariness around my ankles, and the weight still on my shoulders, I ran and ran in search of the way out, but these evils trapped me, surrounded me, and tortured me with lessons I'll never forget. Searching for a way out after I fought a difficult battle, my eyes welled with tears of hopelessness as I thought I'd be trapped forever in the darkness, but once again, God lit his trail and assured me that if I followed in the direction he was leading me in, I would be safe, free, and he would restore this once broken heart of mine. I eagerly ran, ran like I never ran before. I ran, and I didn't look back out of fear of losing my footing. I became ready to let love, peace, and forgiveness cover me in it's entirety. Do you wanna know what has happened to this once fragile heart? It has grown to be able to forgive you for your wrongdoings and mistakes. This mind of mine now understands why you are the way you are. Because you too have been through that same abandonment. You too waited day in and day out for the presence of your father, only to see that it would never be so. And in turn, you hid behind your pain while wearing a mask of grandiosity, and dressed in a facade of confidence as if you weren't hurting over the troubled life you didn't create in the beginning. But time like mine went on, you grew older, heart grew colder, in others you looked for a love your heart desired. The voids left open were stinging in the cold night air like fresh wounds. But these wounds were deeply rooted into your soul. So you set out on your journey to bandage your wounds, and to forget they existed. Unfortunately you wounded me as well, wounded my soul, and I too tried to bandage the stinging of mine. I covered mine in attempts to heal them, to think the way of life was to push through unseen by evils, to become careless in my decisions. But through experience and understanding, these once innocent eyes are maturing into a different level of seeing the world, and the people in it. Maybe after all, you taught me some positive things through bad experience. You taught me to let go of the pain that could turn me bitter, to love others no matter what they did to you, or what they put you through mentally. To know even when people fall short, you can still make the choice to see the good in them. And I know deep in your soul that is barricaded with all the guilt, hurt, and weariness you have yet to fight through, there is a great person in there. There is a heart that wants to seek happiness, a heart that longs for the love once lost. If you believe, you can achieve. You can overcome once bad outcomes. You can turn your tears of depression into tears of renewal. And most importantly, you can live freely and happily with the spirit of God inside of you.

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741